Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
