man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As shirtless as possible
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
