I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
