i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
