only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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