I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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