I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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