apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
