I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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