How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
