In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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