just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
