So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
