I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
