so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
