I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
