I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.