I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in