Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!