Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS