I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable