I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.