First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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