I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing