I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(