i think my tv is drunk
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize