good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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