bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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