well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize