3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just gift wrapped bread.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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