also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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