how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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