I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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