i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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