We're like a lot better than the average bears
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
