Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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