seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
