He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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