she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
