I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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