ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
