I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
