franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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