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I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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