Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.