i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You coming home soon, man?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?