i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.