so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
