They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
