I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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