new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize