There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
