dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you inspire me to be a worse person
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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