Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
