Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
