I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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