The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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