I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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