remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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