U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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