Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
