you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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