So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
