I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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