I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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