My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
