it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
