Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
