she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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