well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
