Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
